Smile that changed me..

There is new house being constructed in the same road that I live in. The workers who build this house are living in this small shed close by. Everyday I have to pass by that house and I can see the small room that they all live in. I have always had this curiosity to know how any house would look from inside. If I am walking and if there is house that has its door open I would just take a look to see how it is.. Doesn’t matter if it is a small house or a big one. I’m no peeping tom though.. Anyway this small shed that I was talking about had just one room where they cooked and slept in.. A man, his wife and 2 kids lived there. The youngest one is a girl who would be around 3-4 year old. She is always playing in the mud or running with her elder brother. The first time I saw her I immediately looked away and I just couldn’t look at her after that. It was too painful to even look. Her left eye is completely white and big compared to the other. From that day onwards I would not even look at the kid and just look down and walk straight to my house.

After few days when I got to observe her family I noticed that she was loved by everyone in her house. Her brother who might be just 2-3 years elder to her loves to carry her all the time. Her mother daily brushes her hair, oils it and ties two pony tails while she is continuously talking to her mom. Sometimes her father carries her on his shoulder while she plays with his hair. They seem like a very content family who have no complains about life.

Few days back when I was walking back home from my office, I saw the girl playing outside and looking at my direction. I looked at her and somehow managed to smile as I dint know what else to do.. The big white eye seems to just look though me.. and just then she smiled back. She has a very beautiful big broad smile and it was the only thing that I could see. For the first time I thought of how cute she is and was immediately ashamed of myself for avoiding her all these days. I realized all kids are cute and are so beautiful and they don’t care what you think or feel.. You just have to look at a kid as a kid and you will see how cute and beautiful they are. Now I make sure I smile at her or wave at her when ever I see her.. And most of the times she smiles back or would just shy away and hide behind her mom’s saree. I pray to god that the kid has a good healthy life ahead!

Mondays are not boring anymore..

It is nice to read about the development of the baby every week. I have this application on my mobile which tells me what are the changes in my baby and me as I complete each week. It changes every Monday (that’s when I complete a week).. me and husband both eagerly wait to read it. We have reason to look forward to Mondays now! The application even shows a graphical picture of how the baby would look. It’s just too good. I love it!

I am in my 14th week now. My baby now has vocal chords and mutely cries. It may even start sucking its thumb. We both couldn’t stop smiling after reading this. All this growth and still my uterus is of the size of large grapefruit.

Last week I was so excited when I got the book “what to expect when you are expecting” from one of my sister in law. But my excitement soon mellowed down once I started to read it like a bible. They say.. too much information is sometimes dangerous. I totally understand what they mean by that. There was so much of information on different types of complications. It is not a very pleasant thing to read when you are pregnant That’s my opinion. Some people like to Google and read stuffs and know everything.. Knowing things to an extent is fine.. I mean its enough to just trust your doctor. She knows what’s good for you and what scans or medicines are required. My mom and all my aunts never even had an ultrasound scan when they were pregnant. She never even took folic acid pills or the calcium tablets for that matter and I turned out to be perfectly fine.

My mom always says “To have a baby itself is like a god’s gift.. And to have a healthy child is even more a blessing”.

Simple life!

There are just 2 people in my life that mean the world to me. One is my mom and the other is my husband. That makes my life very simple I guess. I have lots of uncles and aunts and cousins whom I love but I can never imagine a life without these 2 people. I hope god that I don’t live to see a day where I lose either one of them!

I can get very possessive at times. I never knew I’d love my husband so much that I can’t tolerate a single day without him. It’s been 4 days now since I’ve seen him and I feel so depressed. He is in Kerala for a week spending some time with his family. Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones that are making me feel so dramatic. Gosh, I wish I could just snap out of this feeling.

Just 2 days back I sprained my leg.. In fact I don’t know if that’s what it is. I had this excruciating pain in my left knee as soon as I woke up on Saturday morning. I just couldn’t walk. I am very sensitive and cannot tolerate even small pain. Even if it’s a ant bite I’d react like a bee stung me. If a bee stung me.. I would react like it was a snake bite.. If a snake had to bite me.. I would have been dead even before it bit me. Yes I know you must be thinking… “How melodramatic”! I wonder how I’m going to even give birth to my baby! I don’t want to think about it now.. it gives me chills :)!

So what happened was, my leg hurt (I prefer to think it was a leg sprain actually)
so much that I was at home all weekend sitting or sleeping. I couldn’t go out spend sometime with friends or family. I don’t think I even stepped out of the door. I was so bored and missed my husband like mad! I must have bugged him so much that he is now annoyed with me. I know I was wrong in making him feel bad for my leg pain. I can be such a pain. I pity him! But I know he knows how I am and I am sure he’ll understand that I dint mean to be such a pain.

There is One good new though.. I have just completed first trimester ( first 3 months of pregnancy).. Into the 4th month now. It feels so great! I can tell the whole world now that I’m having a baby. They say the first 3 months are very crucial so we dint want to break the news to all friends about this till we finished the first three months. I broke the news to my friends already. I can never keep my mouth shut for long esp. if it’s a good news I keep bubbling with energy or keep smiling like I am on some kind of dope that the other person can easily figure it out.

Looking forward to my next scan which is just 9 days ahead. This is all I do these days.. “count days”. I still have 27 weeks and 6 days to go for “the day”.. which is 195 days. So cool na?

God bless my child!

Ma - I am proud of you!

I am planning to take my mom along for the next scan. She is also eager to see the baby. I wish I can be a good mother just like my mom. My parents got divorced when I was 3 yrs old.. and since then my mom has been everything to me. I have never felt any void or missed my dad in my life. I am very proud to be her daughter and I know she will be a wonderful grandmother too. I know how difficult it has been for her to bring me up all by herself. She is an advocate by profession. I remember my mom used to take me along with her to courts when I dint have school. I would sit and watch her work in her office.. Sometimes in the court. I never understood what was happening and would keep pestering my mom to take me home. Its only now that I realize how difficult it would have been for her to manage her work and also look after me without the support of anyone. My grandparents also passed away when I was 3 yrs old. She had to bring me up all by herself. We used to live in a small rented house and we were content with our lives. We would sleep early by 8 or 9 PM. Back then there was no TV or anything. We would eat together.. my mom would feed me most of the times.. She does that even now (sometimes) and we used to sleep together in our single bedroom house. We miss those days now actually. On weekends, I and mom would go out for walk and mostly window shop. I remember my mom once saying.. “When you grow up and have a job, then we will have a house of our own and buy these wonderful things to decorate our house.” Mom always wanted an own house. We were tired of shifting houses every few years. Lucky by gods grace and due to her hard work she was able to have her own house by 2001. Although it was very far from the city and we were new to that area, we were on cloud 9 to have our own home. Slowly we got a new car and I got a job soon after my engineering. We have beautiful home now and like my mom wished we got all the wonderful things to make our house look more beautiful. I am very proud of mom. There is still one thing remaining… I want to take my mom to some place abroad. I want to take her to UK. I want to show her London, Paris and Switzerland. I know she would love it. I’m hoping to do this very soon. :)

Im back again!

Hellooo friends.. I am here to bug you all againJ. I wanted to continue to blog since long time actually. In case you dint know I was blogging quiet regularly almost 4-5 years ago. My previous blog was mostly my random thoughts and consisted of my meaningless blabbering and it was aptly named “Clueless”. Lot has changed now.. and I would like to believe that ive grown up! But im sure ill mostly be blabbering my mind out here too. However this time I also have a reason to keep me hooked to the blog world. It is kinda sad that I am starting to blog when people have moved to twitter / facebook. But yes I am not the kinda person who wants the whole world to know what Im doing everyday. I wonder why people like to update their status on facebook or twitter so frequently. Ok.. I know my thought are drifting away.. so let me try me not to wander away from the point. So what I was saying is… This time I wanted to start writing again as I am in the family way.. Ill have my baby by end of August. (Yippee…!!!) J I am so so so happy to enter the new phase of my life.. “Motherhood”. Although it might sound very funny to you.. I feel the reason for my life was this.. I have always loved kids and I would love to have a kid. This has been the most wonderful feeling Ive experienced.. albeit the morning sickness and nausea. I have heard from my friends and sister in laws about the how they felt when they were pregnant. I used to love the glow pregnant women usually have. It really is a very spiritual moment in a woman’s life I believe.. The thought of having a life grow inside you itself is a very amazing feeling. I am lucky to be experiencing this.

I will be completing 3 months by this weekend. Just 2 days back I went for an ultrasound scan along with my husband and mother in law. She wanted to come along but was very apprehensive about asking her son to take her along. However my husband asked her the previous night if she wants to come with us for the doctor checkup and she immediately agreedJ. All three of us could see my baby in the small ultrasound monitor.. It was a wonderful feeling for all three of us. We all had a big Colgate smile on our face to see the baby swim and to see the heart beat. I remember my doctor commenting “ He/She is doing all kinda stokes, front stroke, back stroke and what not”. Both me and my husband don’t know to swim.. and it looks like my baby might be a good swimmer. I know I sound like an over expecting mother already… I hope I don’t turn into one.

Did you know the baby already starts to have finger nails by 3rd month?